Saturday, 17 September 2005

Dropping the Baby

I have been in school for only one full week. It is September and I already feel like it's November. Those of you who are recent university grads will know what I mean by that. For those of you who aren't, I will paraphrase: I already feel like I'm in way over my head; I am drowning in school work. It is even worse than if it was November because if it was at least I would only have to endure this for a couple more weeks; but no, we haven't even started yet.

Over the past week I have started to feel resentful of the $8000 that York is "giving" me. For this money I have to find 10 free hours during my week to do some stupid job the administration gives me. I say that the job is "stupid" (and it is), but that's not even what irks me so much; it is finding the 10 hours amidst 15 hours of classes, 6 hours travel time, trips to the library, cleaning, cooking, reading, assignments, sleeping and (of course) taking care of a 3 month old baby. It feels impossible. I can't do it. I am resentful of York requiring these 10 hours a week from me. We don't technically need their money. We are fine without it. 10 extra hours would be nice, though. This 10 hours a week thing is like having a part-time job. I know I've been spoiled in that I've never had to work through university but it seems insane to start now, with my MA! Plus, who in their right mind would do a full-time degree, a part-time job and all that with a 3 month old baby?

I came home yesterday after my 8 hours away and I thought I was going to lose it. I found out in my Faith and Politics in the Middle Ages class that the Prof requires us to go to the library every week and search out secondary sources for the readings and do write-ups on them. I don't have time! I have three 300+ page novels to read on top of four chapters of medieval history--and I have a 3 month old baby. Did I mention I have a 3 month old baby? Oh yes, and my breasts are ticking time bombs and my pump takes practically hours to do the job that Istra can do in 10 minutes. This really limits the amount of time I can spend gallivanting around looking for stuff in the library.

I've decided that I need to fix this before I start feeling resentful towards other aspects of my life (like having a 3 month old baby), so I'm doing something I haven't done since grade 12 advanced math--I'm dropping classes.

Goodbye to Medieval Faith and Politics!

Goodbye to Victorian Faith and Doubt!

Hello to my sanity!

And (unfortunately) hello to an extra term to finish my MA... but honestly, I don't care.

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